Stark Raving Madeleine

In a world of hype, where personalities and politicians speak only in contrived soundbites it was refreshing to see Michelle Obama on Barbara Walters’ The View this morning. With grace, dignity, wit, and charm, Michelle manouvered through the often trite, sometimes annoying, occasionally bitchy maze that is The View.

Honest and straightforward, this is a woman who is strong and real, funny and intelligent, confident and yet, not vain. Michelle Obama is exactly the kind of woman I want to look up to. She shows us that a woman can be strong and powerful without being shrill or bitchy, that a woman can wear pretty dresses without being thought a bimbo, that a woman can be friendly to other women without being disingenuous. She is a mother, wife, career woman, and everygirl. In that rarity, she shows us how our culture has become one of extremes. (check back for upcoming post - Moderation in a World of Extremes) More of us need to accept who we are instead of allowing our selves to be stuffed into labels: good girl/bad girl, housewife/career woman, bitch/pushover…

I get that she might have some anger, some passion, some frustrations… we all do. I’d rather see it than to wonder what’s really going on under the vacant, placid masks of previous First Ladies (Laura Bush, anyone?) You get the distinct impression that Michelle Obama is a woman who understands that life has ups and downs, that people make mistakes, that meaning is more important than appearance.

Michelle Obama is a woman who has found an authentic voice, she is a true role model for the feminist cause and a great example of the American Dream.

Tags: barack obama, Barbara Walters, Career Woman, Elizabeth Hasselback, Housewife, Michelle Obama, Moderation, Modern Feminism, The View

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of hearing shrieks of “sexism” over Senator Clinton’s losing race for the Democratic nomination.

As a woman I find Hillary’s cries of “I am a victim of sexism.” enormously offensive. She is not a victim of Howard Dean, Barrack Obama, the entire Democratic party leadership, Chris Matthews, Rush Limbaugh, the media at large, or whoever else the Clintons and supporters try to blame for Hillary’s failure to snatch the nomination.

She’s losing because she can’t keep her story straight in a country where people are growing tired of politics as usual. She’s losing because she strikes low blows against an opponent who generally takes the high road. She’s losing because she mismanaged her campaign, because nobody cares about her 35 years of experience as Bill Clinton’s wife, and she’s losing because more people believe in Barrack than her. People want change and Hillary Clinton doesn’t represent that.

I appreciate that a woman has run, I just wish it had been anyone else. I would have voted for Ann Richards in a heartbeat. Give me Nancy Pelosi (yeah yeah, I know), but there is Kathleen Sebelius, Janet Napolitano, Carolyn Maloney, Amy Klobuchar even Madeleine Albright, these are women I can respect and admire. These are women who will represent me.

Yeah, Hillary’s a woman and we’ve heard her roar. Now I’m ready for the next woman to run and win. Let’s have half of the nominees be women next term, great women who won’t lay blame on stupid t-shirts or idiotic comments for their stumbles.

I take Maya Angelou’s “Rise, Hillary rise.” to mean… ‘move beyond your petty, selfishness and grow to be a real strong, powerful, graceful and honest woman.” Unfortunately I don’t think Hillary has it in her.

So for now let’s throw our strength behind Barack and pressure him to make the changes and support the policies that will make our lives better as women, as Americans, as humans.

Tags: american politics, amy klohbuchar, ann richards, barack obama, carolyn maloney, clinton loses election, democratic nomination committee, democratic party, dnc, elections, feminism, feminist, hillary clinton, howard dean, janet napolitano, kathleen sebelius, maya angelou, nancy pelosi, Politics, president, primaries, race, rush limbaugh, sexism, vote, women

The number of single women living alone has more than doubled since the 80’s. But are they happy? If you ask me, Sex and the City has ruined relationships for women all over the country and beyond.

Jessica is a typical 35 year-old woman. She has a university degree (actually she has two), she enjoys shopping, and she’s eager to find Mr. Right. She has no problem finding men; in fact she has just broken it off with yet another potential candidate. After six weeks of dating he made the grave error of saying, “I think I love you.” I THINK I love you? With that grievous word choice error, he was out of there. That was that. Jessica’s reasoning, “I deserve to have a man who KNOWS he loves me.”

Marnie is not much different. At 32 she is intelligent, athletic, and socially active. She searches to no avail for a suitable mate. The last boyfriend she left after discovering what she describes as a porn addiction. (Actually, she just found that he had looked at a porn website one day while snooping through his browser history.) End of story, he was finished. (check back for upcoming post – Oh My God… Not PORN!)

Susan hasn’t had a date in over a year. In a city full of attractive, athletic, intelligent, successful single men, she can’t find one that fulfills her self-proclaimed low standards. When questioned, she quickly points out that the man in question is obviously too pretty, too ugly, too successful, too sporty, too lazy, too old, too young… At 33 she vehemently proclaims that she would never date a man seven years older than her, men under 30 are too immature for a real relationship, and men her own age who aren’t married must have something wrong with them.

But, it’s not for lack of men or lack of trying. A year ago, Ashley, 38 signed on to every dating website she could find and has consequently been on 137 first dates in one year (yes, that’s right, more than 1 every 3 days), only 12 second dates and not a single third date.

These are just four of the many thirty-something women I know in the same situation. These women are intelligent, successful, athletic, and interesting human beings, yet they can’t find a decent man. And they desperately want one.

Is it true? Are all the good men gone? (check back for upcoming post – When Did Dating Stop Being Fun?)

So, what does this all have to do with Sex and the City? Sex And The City, a television show that spoke clearly and fervently to its target demographic; single thirty-something independent women. Women everywhere started identifying themselves as Carrie’s, Samantha’s, Miranda’s, and Charlotte’s. It was cult-like in its phenomenon. (see 5 Reasons Not to Watch Sex and the City post)

Each of these women, just like the vast majority of their peers… loves the television program, Sex And The City. They recite lines from it with alarming frequency, they nickname their dates (often crudely) and they insist with fervor that they deserve to find Mr. Right (aka The One) because they are not going to settle for any less.

Now let’s not get all up-in-arms now. Far be it from me to say that women don’t deserve to find Mr. Right. But isn’t that just a modern version of the same old fairy tale?

We all know the story… a prince will come along and whisk you away from the doldrums of life. Your foot will pop up on that magical first kiss. He’ll know exactly what to do and what to say without you telling him, and he’ll buy the most perfect, thoughtful, extravagant gifts. He will never look at porn, have no interest in strippers, he will pick up his socks, and not be friends with any of his exes. He’ll love you for you, exactly as you are. But, most importantly, you’ll know. You’ll know from the moment you lay eyes on each other… true love.

We’re all looking for the same guy. He’s a bad boy that cares about our feelings, a tortured soul with a depth that only we can bring out, a dented can that we can fix but is somehow able to hold us up through our tantrums. He won’t insult us by holding open a door, but he will pay for dinner. He will be strong and slim with gorgeous hair and chiseled abs but he will adore our flabby thighs and sagging breasts. He will be dangerous and exciting but come straight home after work to make dinner, do the dishes, fold the laundry and run the bath for us.

Prince Perfect sounds pretty good, doesn’t he? If you want to wait it out for him, go ahead, but you might be single for a long while, so find a way to enjoy it.

What’s the answer? Focus on yourself, become the person you want to be, do stuff you like to do, in essence - live life… because as I have been frequently heard to say, “There’s more to life than getting a man.” (check back for upcoming post – Whatever Happened to Friendship?)

Here’s my question for you… If you take romantic relationships entirely out of the picture what do you want from life? Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? How do you spend your days?

Tags: bad boys, carrie bradshaw, Dating, girl power, media, mr. right, perfection, porn, relationships, romance, sex and the city, single girls, television, the one, thirty-something, true love, women

I’ve just come back from a girls night out where despite my best efforts we talked about nothing but men. Time and time again I end up in a room of women rolling their eyes lovingly and waxing on about boys and their toys (motorcycles, guitars, skateboards…), bemoaning their inability to land a man, wailing about the lack of enough good men, belabouring their recent weirdo dates, even exchanging secrets over the best ways to lure in a man.

Is it just me, or do women spend too much time talking about men?

I’m tired of having friends who have no interests of their own other than the adopted hobbies of their current boyfriend. Interests that magically disappear when said man disappears; friends with scooters, skateboards, climbing gear, etc… now gathering dust in their garages. I’m tired of women who want a boyfriend who rides a motorcycle instead of wanting to ride a motorcycle their selves.

I’m so sick of it that honestly, I’d rather go back to the days where women sat around the kitchen table sharing recipes and child-rearing techniques. At least then we were talking about something other than men.

Don’t get me wrong I love men. I have a great affection for big strong arms and square stubbly jaw-lines. I still swoon from a great kiss from a man. BUT that said…. I’m sick to death of talking about them.

As a pitiable single woman, I endure questions upon questions about how bad I must feel about not having a permanent man. The first words out of the mouths of friends are often regarding how many dates I’ve had recently, I get advice on how I should change to be more appealing to men, I get assaulted with criticism on how I shouldn’t be so particular about what I want from a man. I wonder how many people wonder if I’m a lesbian merely because I don’t appear to have much interest in men, despite having relationships both serious and scandalous?

“Oh sure,” I hear you say, “Of course she’s a little bent out of shape about talking about men because she doesn’t have one.”

Alas, there are all too many men in my life. I really need to have friends who can go through my clothes with me and tell me what items to get rid of. I need someone who can touch up my roots with precision. I need someone to eat cheesecake with. I need someone who appreciates my new shoes. A girl needs girl friends too.

Which leads me to wonder, where are all the women who are interesting in their own right? Women who are daring, ambitious, and funny? But, most importantly, women who are happy with or without a man?

So fellow girlfriends… tell me what interesting/wild/daring/funny adventures have you been on lately?

Tags: boyfriends, Dating, fashion, feminism, girl, girlfriends, husbands, men, motorcycles, relationships, sex, single

Call me sexist if you must, but I didn’t vote for Hillary and I’ll tell you why

The current “sexism against Hillary” hysteria reminds me of a story often told about my friend Devan. The story goes that on Track & Field day in elementary school if Devan didn’t win a race, his mother would say, “The other kids cheated, you really are the fastest runner.”

Now Senator Clinton has hordes of women screaming the same thing in a race that could have been clean from the usual dirty politics, a race that could have been dignified and intelligent elevating Democrats above stereotypical politicians, if it hadn’t been for her own shameless nastiness.

I am ashamed because Hillary SHOULD represent me. I wish Hillary held herself with the dignity, power, and courage that I believe women to hold. Give me Ann Richards, Nancy Pelosi, Kathleen Sebelius, Janet Napolitano, Carolyn Maloney, Amy Klobuchar and I’ll march for them proudly (yes, I know Ann Richards is dead). Those are women I can respect and admire.

Am I obligated as a woman, and a feminist to vote for Hillary? No. In fact, I think that idea defeats what feminism is all about; women being treated as equals.

Maybe this Hillary debacle has done something good for feminism as it has awakened the debate over what feminism is. I think modern feminism needs to be about something more than repeating the mantra that women are victims of men. (check back for upcoming post - Modern Feminism)

I’m glad a woman has run I just wish it had been someone else. If you like Hillary fine, if you think she represents you fine, but let’s not scream “sexist” at everyone who choose to vote for someone else. Sure we need more women in politics, but we still need the right women. And I’ll vote for the right man over the wrong woman any day.

I don’t deny that sexism exists in America, and yes, Hillary has had to deal with stupid comments on her pantsuits, but Barack has had to deal with equally stupid remarks on his lack of tie and how can we forget his blatant disregard for America with his refusal to wear a flag pin? While Hillary had to answer to “likeable enough”, Barack had to answer on “black enough”, “white enough”, “patriotic enough”, “Christian enough”, “American enough”, and even on being “man enough”. Sure, Hillary has to put up with sexist slogans on t-shirts worn by redneck men. Barack has had secret service men assigned to him immediately after announcing his candidacy because of death threats over his race.

As they say, all’s fair in love and war and politics, as Hillary has shown again and again with her mudslinging, baiting, “misspeaks”, personality switches, and her history of bad policy: NAFTA, DOMA, the Iraq War, and the Patriot Act, just to name a few.

But instead of accepting an honest defeat gracefully, The knee jerk reactionism that will cause women to vote for McCain in protest is just stupid, petty and self sabotaging… shooting oneself in the foot is the phrase that comes to mind.

There are better, more effective ways to be a feminist than to vote for McCain or to write Hillary in. How about rallying together to support Obama and ensure that his presidency brings about some real change for women in this country? Change that Hillary was unlikely to ever bring. Demand he choose a female VP. Pressure him to choose a female supreme court justice. Petition that he follow up on his promises for health care, education, and women’s rights.

We all know thatt sexism towards women is alive and kicking in this country, but it seems to me that Hillary could have used her campaign to address the progress we have made and thereby encouraging women forward in politics. She could have made her campaign “rah rah for women, look how far we have come. I have held a close race with only one other man after beating out 6 qualified, white male candidates. Instead she chose to martyr herself by playing the victim creating the idea that America is not ready for a woman president when really America has shown that they are ready for a woman president, just not her

After 8 years of crap government, it’s time for a good president and Hillary doesn’t fit that bill (no pun intended). How I wish a truly great woman had run; a woman who didn’t have to cry “victim” to get attention, a woman who held her head high instead of resorting to low blows and an especially nasty version of politics, a woman who had great regard for her opponent, and a woman who stood true and honest to her issues. Unfortunately for the cause of feminism, that candidate this year was a man, Barack Obama.

What’s sad about the Hillary campaign is that she could have won if she had just had a consistent and empowered message. If she hadn’t assumed her nomination and misspent campaign funds. Surely such obvious mistakes would be avoidable by someone with 35 years of experience

Let’s keep the conversation going… tell me why you do or don’t think Hillary Clinton represents you as a woman and a feminist.

Tags: amy klobuchar, ann richards, bill clinton, carolyn maloney, democratic party, feminism, girl power, hillary clinton, hillary rodham clinton, janet napolitano, kathleen sebelius, nancy pelosi, new york, Politics, senator, sexism, woman, women in politics