Stark Raving Madeleine

The number of single women living alone has more than doubled since the 80’s. But are they happy? If you ask me, Sex and the City has ruined relationships for women all over the country and beyond.

Jessica is a typical 35 year-old woman. She has a university degree (actually she has two), she enjoys shopping, and she’s eager to find Mr. Right. She has no problem finding men; in fact she has just broken it off with yet another potential candidate. After six weeks of dating he made the grave error of saying, “I think I love you.” I THINK I love you? With that grievous word choice error, he was out of there. That was that. Jessica’s reasoning, “I deserve to have a man who KNOWS he loves me.”

Marnie is not much different. At 32 she is intelligent, athletic, and socially active. She searches to no avail for a suitable mate. The last boyfriend she left after discovering what she describes as a porn addiction. (Actually, she just found that he had looked at a porn website one day while snooping through his browser history.) End of story, he was finished. (check back for upcoming post – Oh My God… Not PORN!)

Susan hasn’t had a date in over a year. In a city full of attractive, athletic, intelligent, successful single men, she can’t find one that fulfills her self-proclaimed low standards. When questioned, she quickly points out that the man in question is obviously too pretty, too ugly, too successful, too sporty, too lazy, too old, too young… At 33 she vehemently proclaims that she would never date a man seven years older than her, men under 30 are too immature for a real relationship, and men her own age who aren’t married must have something wrong with them.

But, it’s not for lack of men or lack of trying. A year ago, Ashley, 38 signed on to every dating website she could find and has consequently been on 137 first dates in one year (yes, that’s right, more than 1 every 3 days), only 12 second dates and not a single third date.

These are just four of the many thirty-something women I know in the same situation. These women are intelligent, successful, athletic, and interesting human beings, yet they can’t find a decent man. And they desperately want one.

Is it true? Are all the good men gone? (check back for upcoming post – When Did Dating Stop Being Fun?)

So, what does this all have to do with Sex and the City? Sex And The City, a television show that spoke clearly and fervently to its target demographic; single thirty-something independent women. Women everywhere started identifying themselves as Carrie’s, Samantha’s, Miranda’s, and Charlotte’s. It was cult-like in its phenomenon. (see 5 Reasons Not to Watch Sex and the City post)

Each of these women, just like the vast majority of their peers… loves the television program, Sex And The City. They recite lines from it with alarming frequency, they nickname their dates (often crudely) and they insist with fervor that they deserve to find Mr. Right (aka The One) because they are not going to settle for any less.

Now let’s not get all up-in-arms now. Far be it from me to say that women don’t deserve to find Mr. Right. But isn’t that just a modern version of the same old fairy tale?

We all know the story… a prince will come along and whisk you away from the doldrums of life. Your foot will pop up on that magical first kiss. He’ll know exactly what to do and what to say without you telling him, and he’ll buy the most perfect, thoughtful, extravagant gifts. He will never look at porn, have no interest in strippers, he will pick up his socks, and not be friends with any of his exes. He’ll love you for you, exactly as you are. But, most importantly, you’ll know. You’ll know from the moment you lay eyes on each other… true love.

We’re all looking for the same guy. He’s a bad boy that cares about our feelings, a tortured soul with a depth that only we can bring out, a dented can that we can fix but is somehow able to hold us up through our tantrums. He won’t insult us by holding open a door, but he will pay for dinner. He will be strong and slim with gorgeous hair and chiseled abs but he will adore our flabby thighs and sagging breasts. He will be dangerous and exciting but come straight home after work to make dinner, do the dishes, fold the laundry and run the bath for us.

Prince Perfect sounds pretty good, doesn’t he? If you want to wait it out for him, go ahead, but you might be single for a long while, so find a way to enjoy it.

What’s the answer? Focus on yourself, become the person you want to be, do stuff you like to do, in essence - live life… because as I have been frequently heard to say, “There’s more to life than getting a man.” (check back for upcoming post – Whatever Happened to Friendship?)

Here’s my question for you… If you take romantic relationships entirely out of the picture what do you want from life? Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? How do you spend your days?

Tags: bad boys, carrie bradshaw, Dating, girl power, media, mr. right, perfection, porn, relationships, romance, sex and the city, single girls, television, the one, thirty-something, true love, women